Are we there yet?

I’m struggling to find my purpose. There are things that feed my soul that I want so badly to spend my days doing. The urge to quit my job and make it work is extremely strong these days. And the voice of reason is always there reminding me that I have a home I must pay for, food I must eat, animals I must take care of, and a job that provides those things for me but equally expects me to be present at.

But I’m struggling with what means more…?¿?

Regardless of what your religious beliefs are, can you say, without a doubt and a 100% GUARANTEE, that you know what happens when you die?

No?

If you answered yes, I don’t even know why you read my blog. If you answered no, welcome back – I’m happy you’re here!

So, knowing that this experience is the only thing we have and death is inevitable (and there’s nothing you can do about it circa 2018) then…what matters more?

Is it money?

Is it a big house?

Is it a house you own?

Is it a house you built?

Is it a job you love?

Is it a job you need?

Is it what you’re excited about?

Is it about experience?

Is it about love?

Is it about success?

What defines success?

I feel like a question that most often goes answered uncandidly is: What is your definition of success?

What’s going to be the thing that you want to look back upon and say, “That’s when I made it?”

What determines if you made it? If you have IT?

“There is no such thing as work-life balance. Everything worth fighting for unbalances your life.” – Alain de Botton

I used to think it was determined by age. I used to think that once I hit _____*insert age here*____ I would have it figured out. And here I sit, freshly 27 and, frankly, I got no fucking idea if I’ve “made it” or if I ever will.

I had a thought the other day, “Dear God, I just hope I make it to 30 now.” And soon after that a little voice spoke up and said, “you realize you’ve been wishing this for a while now, right?”

Not the get to thirty part but the “you’ve made it this far, I guess you’re worth ____*this much*_____, let’s try for some more”

And when I took a step back from that series of thoughts I realized…I have been undervaluing myself for YEARS.

I have to take a step back and really think about the last time I dedicated time to just improving ME. And improving me solely because I really need to like myself. And I need to value myself. I mean, after all, the only person I spend the MOST time with is myself. I should at least start spending half the time I spend on deadlines and taking care of others – spending that time on non other but yours truly!

Because if I ask what truly matters, and how I define success, I really want to be able to say it was the moment I stood up and said “Okay, enough is enough, let’s make this about you” but it starts with making ME the priority, deciding MYSELF that I AM worth a life of joy and passion. That I DO have value and I LOVE my life.

And you know what? It’s my turn now.

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