I don’t know about you but today was a rather shitty day. The ol’ adage of “Fuck my life, man” seems to come to mind. It was one of those days where a big plan of mine that was set into motion recently, had a big (maybe not so big, but it FELT big) wrench thrown into right at like 8:05 AM. I finally got up the guts to go back to college again, but managed to file one wrong form that could cause me to not go this semester.
And every minute from there on seemed to come with it’s own bag of shit, too.
One of those days where every account at the office that I managed to look at it, no matter how brief, I seemed to somehow mess something up or pick the perfect time to call someone – that time they are truly at their angriest for no apparent reason at all and they chose me (lucky me) to express that genuine disdain for life. It’s never been insinuated to me that I am incompetent – until today.
One of those days, where the weight of the relationship I had hoped was going on the mend (for the 84th time…let’s be real here…) ended up *drumroll* not going on the mend. Due mostly to the fact I learned he’s dating someone else. I mean, to be honest, I really had a more luxurious idea of a side-chick in my head than he could provide anyway. So, whatever. But that weight rested heavy on my chest today.
So, naturally, I get so irritated with the noise inside my head I sit there SCREAMING at a red light, begging for it to change, so I can just MOVE in a direction before I literally lose my shit right then and there. (Sorry, roomie.)
After that I decide my next best course of action…is to brutally tear myself down by reminding me that I have done some seriously stupid shit in my day. I somehow manage to tie it all into every bad thing that happened today & decide I’m now worthless because I can’t seem get my life on track.
I then proceed to make a mental note of everything that’s on my to do list and before you know it I’m on the verge of a panic attack and I heard, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST STOP BEING SO MEAN!” And, surprisingly enough, it took me a minute to realize I was talking to myself.
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
The truth is, I have come along way. The truth is, I have the drive to go back to school & if I can’t right now then so be it – I can wait a bit longer. The truth is, that relationship was failed LONG before it even got started – I’m just glad it brought me here. The truth is, I kick ASS at my job (HELLO I just won two awards!) & one cranky client who thinks I suck will not destroy my career.
The truth is: I am going to have more days like this. I’ve had my fair share of them in the past and, statistically speaking, the odds are high I’ll have another. The trick is getting through them with as little scars as possible.
Ask yourself this: Were you kind to you today?
Life isn’t all glitter and fuckin’ rainbows. Life is dirty, and gritty, and hard, and you gotta be tough out there sometimes. But life is also beautiful, and curious, and precious. When the world is being it’s most unkind to you, you have GOT to remember to be kind to you.
My best friend told me today, she said, “Curl up with Rango and a good book. It’s honestly my go-to for a bad day.” And that spoke volumes you to me. Because the desire to go out and get super wasted until I wasn’t disappointed in myself was the only thing I had wanted to prior to her comment. And it occurred to me that, even if I did go out and make myself feel better – I would feel worse tomorrow. Why? Because drinking myself to oblivion isn’t what my mind, body, or soul needs. We need restoration and peace. We need to look at ourselves and remind you how badass and amazing you really are. The world is hard enough on us. We cannot forget we must not be hard on us, too.
So, instead of going out and making a fool of myself, I decided to share my thoughts on a bad day for all 5 of you who read my posts. And now, I’m going to read my favorite book.
Remember: It’s just a bad day, not a bad life.