Love Harder.

Connection. Emotion. Feelings.

Earlier, I wrote a post on Facebook about how grief and pain shape us. How the tragedy and loss we experience as humans can flip the script on the way we interact with each other. One moment you’re the free spirit, life of the party, everyone-wants-to-be-around-you-person and the next thing you know you’ve lost the love of your life. Your parent has passed away. You’ve lost a child. Your beloved pet. The spectrum is never-ending of what loss/grief looks like. It’s never the same from person to person. Regardless, something happens and the next thing you know this thing shows up. What is it? What’s this…what’s this shut off feeling? Your guard is up. There is now a wall. And the things you loved. The things you used to love so freely, express so lovingly – now seem like a chore to do. They now exhaust you.


Furthermore, what it is about the simple fact of expressing ourselves – even if there wasn’t a tragedy in the first place that is so scary to us? What is so foreign about platonically saying “I love you” to your friend? Most of us have no qualm with telling our cousin or sibling or pet that we love them but your best friend, teacher, coworker – now that’s just a line we don’t cross.

You’re sitting in that meeting at work and you know that the idea the CEO is presenting is moronic. It has not been thought through from your department’s perspective yet directly impacts it but you won’t say anything because you’ve convinced yourself you don’t know enough to have an opinion.

You want to text that person you care about and just tell them that you love them, not necessarily in love with them, but that you love them. You care about their wellbeing and you just want to let them know that. But you won’t because OMG YOU CAN’T SAY YOU LOVE THEM THAT’S JUST WEIRD YOU BARELY EVEN KNOW THEM. Well, is that really true? Because didn’t you love other people and tell them? And didn’t you think you knew them but it turned out you didn’t really? But you won’t tell this person because you don’t know them.


I have this theory and I’ve written about in the past that some of us having this human experience are doing a little too much. We love a little too hard, we feel a little too intensely and speak a little too honestly. Mostly, that makes those that are not having this same experience uncomfortable, or worse, mean and judgemental. Somewhere along the lines too much of too much is looked down upon. You’re called crazy. You’re called silly. You overreact. You just feel too much, can you calm down?

“It is both a blessing
And a curse
To feel everything
So very deeply.”

― David Jones

I would encourage you to take a moment to really look into yourself and ask yourself what have you not told someone you care about lately? What have you not told yourself enough lately?

Life is too fucking short not to love yourself and everyone around you deeply.

Today, I had to call the DMV and ask a few questions. The lady was so nice on the phone and the news she gave me was not all that I wanted to hear but it turned out it was going to work out and I thanked her, told her she was an angel, and that I hoped she had a fabulous Monday.

Kindness is free. You never, ever know when you or someone you know, or hell someone you DON’T know, is going to take their last breath. You don’t know if that person next to you on the subway, side street, someone you pass in the hall at work is going to take their last breath. You just don’t fucking know, man.

I encourage this whole world to love a little harder, love a little deeper, and love a little more. The world is cruel enough. We are all already angry enough and that asshole is definitely going to cut you off in traffic, someone is going to not read your email and ask you a stupid question, and someone is going to wear an outfit that clashes in colors and pisses you off — it’s inevitable. Maybe next time pray for their driving skills and that they find their common sense and instead compliment their confidence in their attire and ability to rock that shit comfortably.

Life is hard enough – let’s not make it harder on each other or ourselves.



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