This past year has been a whirlwind of emotions I never could’ve fathomed I could feel all at one time.
I’ve cried. I’ve laughed. I’ve been scared. Ive been sad. I’ve loved. I’ve hurt. I’ve been depressed. I’ve had more panic attacks and anxiety than I ever thought one body/mind/soul could.
This past year I won an award at work for resilience. I felt pretty confident over the course of 2017. Even after the Route 91 festival, I felt okay. Confident.
But sometime after the new year my shit got rocked like a hurricane & I spun entirely out of control.
Let me be clear – this isn’t an alcohol or drug induced spiral (okay maybe at times) but this was an internal battle of depression, anxiety & dealing with a whole lotta shit I thought I’d been over for a while.
I almost quit my job – thousands of times. I got angry and jealous over my friends, family, and someone I love.
I’ve tried really hard to be resilient. I’ve tried really hard to listen to those who tell me it’s going to be okay. Who tell me it’s normal to feel the way I feel.
But I don’t feel normal. And I’m not sure I ever really have. So while the past year has felt like an eternity – and I’ve spent a lot of time breaking myself down – I hope to spend the next year rebuilding myself.
And finding myself. Because somewhere along the lines, I lost her. And I’m not saying what happened in this city 365 days ago caused me to lose her, but it woke that part of me up. The part of me I don’t think I’ve ever truly found.
So cheers to the next 365 days. May I be wiser. Humbler. Braver. And stongER.