Yesterday in traffic I watched a car quickly switch lanes. Have you ever truly watch a car switch lanes? It’s fascinating. If you didn’t know the vehicles were moving, it would look like the car moved over in the exact same spot.
But the car was moving. Moving forward.
I recently attended a seminar and the host said something that really stuck with me. “You can’t look East if you spend your whole life looking West.”
People talk a lot about how much they wish their lives were different, but they never have the balls to change the way they’re thinking about their lives. People talk a lot about how much they wish someone of the opposite (or same) sex found them attractive, but they spend all their time thinking about everything they could change about their bodies or faces or skin color. People talk a lot about how much they wish they could just be happy, but they spend all their time thinking about all the bad shit that’s ever happened to them.
Don’t you want to start moving forward?
Listen, I’m guilty of it, too. I’m guilty of being unforgiveable. And I don’t mean in the sense that I’m never able to forgive anyone. Believe me, I’ve forgiven way too many people for horrible things, time and time again. I’m talking about forgiving myself.
It took me years to forgive myself for the blame I carried for my mother’s actions in my childhood.
It took me years to forgive a man who wronged me.
It took me years to forgive myself for all the stupid, dumb shit I did that landed me in jail for what felt like an eternity.
It took me years to forgive my boss who fired me.
“Change has to be hard because you’re fighting against inertia.”
— James Thornton
It takes time for the willingness to forgive yourself for certain things. Some things may take longer than others. But let me be very clear when I say this: Just because you forgive yourself once, doesn’t mean you’re never going to think about it again. It doesn’t mean that it won’t still haunt your darkest of nightmares. It doesn’t mean that you won’t still feel guilty.
The point is, you have to continue forgiving yourself. You have to continue reminding yourself that you are not that person anymore. You’re not in that place anymore. And you have the power to continue to move forward. You can’t look East if you’re too busy looking West.
Why do you do this? Because you are worth it. Because you are so much better than you allow yourself to believe that you are. You are so much better than the girl in middle school who said you were fat. You are so much better than the boy who dumped you. You are so much better than the teacher that told you you’re stupid. You are so much better than anyone who’s ever said anything about you that implied you were less than perfect.
You are perfect. Stop allowing yourself to believe you are not.